| 1) Ask about their success rates. A quality | | | | and reevaluate the situation. We've all heard it |
| program should have a systematic way of | | | | before, but doing the same thing and expecting |
| measuring success and should be able to provide | | | | different results is the definition of insanity. Stop |
| information to interested parents about that | | | | banging your head against a wall and get help. |
| success. If a school is reluctant about telling you | | | | 7) Understand that you don't always get what |
| their success rates or can only provide anecdotal | | | | you pay for. Although typically true for most |
| evidence of program effectiveness, this is a fairly | | | | consumer products, price does not always reflect |
| good indicator that the results aren't too | | | | quality in the troubled teen help industry. Make |
| impressive. If you are quoted a statistic, be sure | | | | sure you understand what you are paying for. |
| you understand what the number means. Some | | | | Many high quality programs are in the range of |
| schools define success in very loose terms. Often | | | | $3,000-$4,000/month. Paying thousands more per |
| "success" actually means "lack of failure," or | | | | month isn't necessarily going to change your child's |
| simply that a graduate hasn't been arrested since | | | | behavior any better or faster. You may be |
| leaving the program. | | | | making someone else rich however and paying |
| 2) Talk with some parents with a teen in the | | | | for services that fuel your teen's sense of |
| program. Talking with a parent who has had direct | | | | entitlement. On the other hand, if you've found a |
| experience with a program will ensure that you | | | | program that claims to offer services similar to |
| don't get swindled by a fast-talking salesperson. If | | | | more expensive facilities for under $2,500/month, |
| a school is confident about the service they are | | | | it's probably too good to be true. |
| delivering to their current clients, they should be | | | | 8) Look for a program that involves the whole |
| happy to allow you to speak with them. If they | | | | family. A family is a system. When one part of a |
| make excuses or claim that they want to protect | | | | system has a problem, it affects other parts in |
| the anonymity of their clients, you can rest | | | | the system. In fact, most problems within a |
| assured they are bluffing. If a program works, it | | | | system involve the interaction of two or more |
| will have plenty of support from parents who | | | | parts. The family is no different. It is vital that |
| have had a good experience with it. | | | | parents and even siblings where possible get |
| 3) Take a tour of the program(s) you are | | | | involved in the change process. If your child |
| considering. This will give you an opportunity to | | | | comes home to a broken system, the changes |
| assess the adequacy of the facilities, the | | | | they have made, however significant, will probably |
| professionalism and competency of the staff, and | | | | be short-lived. Be willing to accept that you may |
| most importantly, the contrast between new | | | | be part of the problem and be willing to make the |
| students and soon-to-be graduates. When viewing | | | | changes you need to in your own life. A |
| the facilities, remember that you don't want a | | | | successful program should offer services that |
| hotel (your child needs a reason to want to come | | | | allow family members to work on individual issues |
| home) but you don't want rundown buildings | | | | as well as relationship problems. This might be |
| either. Something that is basic yet clean and | | | | accomplished through parenting courses, family |
| tolerable is a good balance. Try to get a sense of | | | | therapy, seminars, etc. |
| the program's philosophy of change when talking | | | | 9) Don't tell your child you are going to put them |
| with the staff and also watch to see how the | | | | in a program-unless of course you enjoy inviting |
| staff members interact with the students. The | | | | unnecessary drama into your life. If you have |
| soon-to-be graduates can provide a good | | | | made a decision to place your child in a treatment |
| example of what the program is capable of | | | | program, or even if you are only considering doing |
| helping their students create. To take a tour of | | | | so, it's best to keep it to yourself. Very few |
| several troubled teen treatment facilities across | | | | teens will be in favor of such a decision, so |
| the United States visit | | | | breaking the news early just makes your life |
| 4) Don't base your decision on either pure | | | | miserable since you now have created a situation |
| emotion or logic. Avoid the tendency to overreact | | | | where your teen feels it is necessary to |
| to an emotional situation. If your teen's behavior | | | | manipulate you into changing your mind. Your teen |
| represents a consistent problem, now may be the | | | | should not be part of the decision making process |
| time to act. However, make that determination | | | | since he or she is already demonstrating the |
| when you have returned to a stable state of | | | | inability to make responsible choices. Discussing |
| mind. On the other hand, choosing a program for | | | | this decision with your teen may also encourage |
| a teen requires more than simply weighing the | | | | your child to run away or "live it up" like the end |
| pros and cons. Choose a program that makes | | | | of the world has been announced. |
| sense that you can also feel good about. | | | | 10) Remember that just because you have a |
| 5) Don't tell yourself that ignoring the problem will | | | | troubled teen doesn't mean that you are a bad |
| make it go away. Although some problems may | | | | parent. Children don't come with a manual and |
| go away on their own with time, serious | | | | each is unique in the challenges they bring to |
| behavioral and emotional problems in adolescents | | | | parenting. Yes, you probably made some |
| may appear dormant for a time, but will always | | | | mistakes along the way, but dwelling on your guilt |
| resurface if allowed to continue unresolved. If the | | | | for the way your child is behaving is senseless |
| voice inside you is telling you it's time to stop | | | | and will not help solve the problem. Shift your |
| pretending that your child doesn't have a problem, | | | | focus to what you can learn in order to bring |
| you should probably listen. | | | | your child back, and never stop loving them. Your |
| 6) If it isn't working, stop doing it! If it has | | | | love and commitment to your child is ultimately |
| become clear that your attempts to control your | | | | the key to helping them reverse their |
| child's behavior are not working, it's time to stop | | | | self-destructive lifestyle. |