| Countless times I have heard the question, "But | | | | adults. Children do not see race or status. They |
| what about socialization?" And I want to respond, | | | | just enjoy playing even when they do not know |
| "And what about Columbine? Were those | | | | their new friend's name. |
| shooters appropriately 'socialized?'" Schools did not | | | | However, socialization is a careful and determined |
| teach them kindness or forgiveness. Actually, | | | | plan that a parent teaches their children on |
| really it was the school system and the other | | | | appropriate, mature behavior. Children need |
| children that made them bitter and full of hatred. I | | | | opportunities to face conflict or to make new |
| know that from personal experience. | | | | friends, but even more, they need a chance to |
| Someone else said to me, "But how are you | | | | look back at those moments with their parents |
| going to keep your kids from being annoying?" I | | | | and see things from a new perspective. They |
| went to school, and I had many classmates who | | | | need to be taught social graces by their parents, |
| were annoying. School did not make us "cool." | | | | not by another six year old. |
| Somebody somewhere is going to find us | | | | My oldest daughter Makani tells me about playing |
| annoying because not every personality jives with | | | | with her friends, "This little girl said that I was not |
| every other personality. That is just the way it is, | | | | allowed to play with this other little girl." So we |
| so why worry about this? Who cares about the | | | | talked about it: how it made her feel, how she |
| popularity contest? | | | | should handle it, what she should say. Another |
| Someone else was concerned about our children | | | | time, she came home from a play date with a |
| not having the ability to stand against peer | | | | new attitude problem that we needed to discipline, |
| pressure and being able to make the right | | | | and yet another time, she faced someone telling |
| decisions. However, experts say that it is those | | | | her that she was trouble. We had to show her |
| children who have strong relationships with their | | | | that she was not trouble, and she felt renewed in |
| parents that face these problems and overcome | | | | her self-confidence, ready to face another social |
| them. It is self-confidence instilled by a loving | | | | outing. |
| parent that gives a child the ability to turn away | | | | My middle daughter Rowena comes back from |
| from peer pressure. The anti-drug campaigns on | | | | the park, saying she did not make any friends, |
| TV say, "Talk to your children because parents | | | | and we talk about how to make friends and what |
| make a difference." | | | | to say and do to be friendly. The next time we |
| So school does not magically make a person | | | | go to the park, she exults by telling me, "Mommy, |
| "socialized." In fact, I really feel like it does the | | | | I made three friends." I have watched her come |
| opposite. I cannot remember where I heard the | | | | out of her shell, willing to initiate conversation. |
| quote, but someone once said that there is a | | | | With both girls, I find that it is much easier to |
| difference between socialization and socializing. | | | | correct the negative input from others when I |
| Socialization is the process of learning appropriate | | | | can invest more into them than others do. Other |
| social behaviors, and socializing is the opportunity | | | | children can be quite nasty in how they treat |
| to mingle with other people. | | | | others, and children need time to recover from |
| Where in life are you going to be stuck in a place | | | | bullies and verbal abusers. I teach them something |
| where there are 30 other people just like you, | | | | new about how to act and then give them |
| same age, same race, and same social class? | | | | another opportunity to face the social arena again. |
| School is a "false" social arena because you are | | | | Here are some of the important character traits |
| not often faced with diversity, different ages and | | | | a child needs to learn to be mature adults |
| different cultures. | | | | someday: |
| In life, there are many opportunities to socialize. | | | | (1) how to recognize and deal with their own |
| Church, family gatherings, the neighborhood | | | | emotions |
| children, the local park in the summer, the play | | | | (2) respect for others, including others' space and |
| area at the mall in the winter, and play dates with | | | | possessions |
| friends are some of the ways that we find ways | | | | (3) self-respect as well as self-confidence |
| to socialize. The truth is that you really cannot | | | | (4) kindness towards others |
| stop children from socializing unless you lock them | | | | (5) problem-solving and conflict resolution |
| up. Children are naturally more outgoing than | | | | (6) autonomy. |