| Ask any homeschooling mom what frustrates her | | | | oak island, close to Mom's elbow, sit three well |
| most and she will mention the kids taking forever | | | | dressed, finely groomed, jolly children. The family |
| to finish their work, not doing their work or | | | | collie barks playfully. The calico cat catches a |
| complaining about their work. There seems to be | | | | sunbeam. A perky parakeet, trained to sing along |
| a theme here. If I burned 100 calories every time | | | | with music, dances on her perch and chirps the |
| I heard such a complaint, I would be conducting | | | | melody to Don't Worry, Be Happy. |
| weight-loss seminars. | | | | The seven-year old is parsing his Latin verbs, the |
| Suffering Alone | | | | nine-year old is reading War and Peace while |
| Most moms silently suffer, reluctant to | | | | completing tomorrow's calculus assignment, and |
| acknowledge defeat, until they meet with their | | | | the eleven-year old is writing his second novel. |
| facilitator. Facilitators talk to many moms; thus, | | | | Every few minutes, one slaps another on the |
| they are exposed to the bigger picture, but | | | | back and says, "Good job! You're doing so well!" |
| individual homeschoolers struggle alone, not | | | | At their elder siblings' feet, sit two contented |
| realizing that this problem is typical. We dare not | | | | toddlers constructing Meccano cities while reciting |
| ignore it, however, because typical or not, it's | | | | their timetables to song. Handel's Messiah plays |
| annoying! | | | | softly and melodically through the home's |
| Much more than annoying, it leads to panic when | | | | intercom system. As the oven timer signals |
| we believe that we are unusual, which just isn't | | | | removal of the home baked beans, the ten-year |
| true. I guarantee you that this hassle is common | | | | old calls gently and respectfully from the table |
| at one time or another to every homeschool (or | | | | where she is rocking the baby's cradle with one |
| for that matter to every home). It happened in | | | | foot while completing a chemistry experiment. |
| mine, and I bet it has happened in yours. In fact, | | | | "Mother, am I permitted to finish next week's |
| you might be struggling with your children's | | | | lessons today before I fold the laundry and chop |
| passive-aggressive behavior right now. | | | | wood? I am so eager to complete the textbook |
| Finding a Solution | | | | by Christmas and begin my physics. I do not |
| The first step in finding a solution is to admit the | | | | want to fall behind. Oh, and Mother...You look |
| problem. The second is to realize that you are not | | | | lovely. Have I thanked you today for |
| alone. The third is to get smart. | | | | homeschooling me?" |
| There are many dynamics at play here. First of | | | | Across the table, the eight-year old whistles |
| all, there's Mother's fear of failure. Most likely a | | | | Amazing Grace as he builds birdhouses to sell in |
| product of a North American school system, Mom | | | | the family business. All of the people in this picture |
| is performance oriented. She wants to succeed | | | | are smiling and reciting Psalm 119 simultaneously. |
| (boy, does she want to succeed!) and | | | | "That's great, children!" Mom sings out as they |
| homeschooling is her baby. | | | | complete verse 176. "Now let's try it in Japanese!" |
| Resistance from Others | | | | Can we all agree that no homeschool looks |
| Someone is resisting her--a mother-in-law, a | | | | anything like this? Most of them look remarkably |
| husband, a neighbor, a girlfriend. She has blabbed | | | | like yours, complete with the sticky countertops! |
| up the benefits and joys of this idea to her | | | | So enough of the delusion already! We will never |
| skeptical friends and now things don't seem to be | | | | attain perfection. |
| panning out. The kids don't delight in school work | | | | The Plan |
| (first shock) and they can't seem to get it done in | | | | We need a plan. Let's start by lighting a candle |
| a day, at least not in time (maybe there's too | | | | and a stick of incense, breathing deeply and doing |
| much work, the wrong curriculum, a poor | | | | the following: |
| schedule). Although she's sold on homeschooling, | | | | Acknowledging the problem: Kids dawdle and balk. |
| she's afraid that maybe it's not for her. Maybe | | | | It's normal. It's not evil, only childish. We're not |
| she's ruining her children. She feels chained to a | | | | alone. Repeat ten times: "My kids are normal and |
| sinking ship. More and more frequently, she finds | | | | so am I!" |
| herself longing for the return of her peaceful | | | | Adjusting our focus: Our homeschool doesn't have |
| pre-homeschooling life. | | | | to look like a cover spread for Homeschooling |
| The Delusion | | | | Today. Repeat ten times: "Our school is normal |
| The second dynamic is Mother's delusion. Most | | | | and so is our house!" |
| homeschoolers' expectations are unreal. They | | | | Taking back control: Repeat twenty times: "I am |
| strive to grasp a phantom carrot, which not only | | | | the adult here." |
| can be reached, it doesn't exist! Their Norman | | | | Number three can be a challenge, but it's actually |
| Rockwell painting of the perfect homeschool goes | | | | easier than you think (and an awful lot of fun). |
| something like this: | | | | Have you ever asked yourself, "Why am I |
| Mom, looking well rested and dressed in a sharp | | | | arguing with an eight-year old?" There really is no |
| outfit and starched apron is baking pies from | | | | argument. You are the boss. Hold on to that |
| scratch in the large, open kitchen of the family's | | | | thought until my next article when I will lay out a |
| log cabin. It's harvest time and she's eager to | | | | great plan for you to take back control. That's |
| sample the new apple crop. | | | | the part where we get smart. For now, give |
| In one corner of the room, a cheerful fire | | | | yourself a break. You're normal, you're not going |
| radiates from the field stone fireplace. At the solid | | | | nuts, and there is hope. |